I am enchanted with the PBS series Call the Midwife. Every time a baby is born in that show - every episode, really - my eyes fill up with tears. It moves me. The mothers, the babies, the anguish, the relief, the miracle. I wonder if I could do it, give birth, that is, and think that I probably could although I probably never will.
But I am a mother.
I recognize that now and am becoming more comfortable with saying it. I am a mom! My little Allie Allie Alligator is my baby girl. At first, it felt strange thinking of myself as a mom or even hearing others say it. The title, placed on me, felt like trying on a stiff evening gown. I thought the word "mom" would feel like a nice comfortable sweater, but I think with time it becomes just that. Acting as a mom, though, it is wonderful. Who would have ever thought? But I think sometimes that I'm a natural. It just feels like our home and hearts and minds are ripe and ready and so caring for our little Allie feels so fun.
Of course, at first, she cried a lot. Tight fists, raised in the air shaking. I couldn't figure out her schedule. I really, really wanted someone to tell me what her schedule was supposed to be. What time to eat? How many ounces? What time should she nap? How long? I really didn't know and I felt desperate for the answers. But the answer is, I have come to find out, that you figure it out. And I did. Little by little, you just figure it out. The way she rubs her eyes or yawns or starts, out of the blue, to communicate with her cries that she's ready.
She's just amazing too! She has all of these tricks. I was never that impressed with other children's ability to grow, but to see it up close and personal, it really is...amazing. Oh the things she's learned! I remember how she sucked in air/gasped - I thought she was choking a lot, but it was just her latest trick! Blowing air with her lips...leading to spitting out any food she doesn't like (she's obsessed with bananas). Giggling as we give her raspberries on her little round belly. Heh-heh-heh-ing. Oh, and lifting herself up and down with her little legs. And she just starting independently saying "ba ba bah" and even doing that when she's fussy. Oh, it's like this little conversation she's having. It's just amazing, really amazing!!!
Let me tell you how it warms my heart the way Obed interacts with her. It's pure love. He adores her. We adore her. She really does bring so much joy to our life. So many pure moments of sweetness, of catching ourselves laughing or smiling or looking at her with warmth and love. We are a family.
