I am mom.  I feel like mom. I say "mommy" with ease now - well, at least with more ease than I used to.  But I am still *foster* mom and yesterday the judge ruled that "research shows that moms should have more time with their children."  So, the way everyone else heard it was that Sara - the biological mom - should have more with Allie.  The way I heard it and the way it felt was that Sara was taking Allie away from her mom.  Her mom mom.  Me.  One more hour where I hand my daughter over to Sara.

And let's talk about Sara, shall we?  Some days my heart cries in heartache for her.  The system failed her long before I got involved, long before any of her kids were born or even ended up in care.  Sara was a foster child herself.  Whenever she talks about her childhood, she is emphatic that is was horrifying and I believe her.  At our family case meeting, she collapsed into tears when we brought up the option of consent-to-adopt.  "It's hard" is always what she says.  Yes, yes yes, it IS hard.  Unspeakably, undeniably, crushingly hard.  But we were almost whispering fervently because we care, "Sara, it's your only good option."  If she proceeds with termination, the case is closed and she would not see her children again.  If she consents to adopt, we can negotiate an open adoption.  I thought she was convinced at the family case meeting of consenting to adopt.  Wanda would pay for a trip each year