A letter from your mom about your mom

My dear Allie,

I want to tell you about your biological mom.  I want you to know how much she loved you.  I want to share with you the moments I was able to glimpse:

• Once I saw her hold you up - way up - over her head as she looked up at you and smiled, oh she smiled!  No doubt you were smiling too, maybe cackling your two-toothed grin.  So happy to fly like an airplane above your mom's head.

I can say that she too is your mom.  I said "mom," referring to Sara, one day as I handed you over to her at the visitation center.  "You can go to your mom," I said.  She is your first mom, or your birth or biological mom, but like all mothers - and like me, she loves you.  How wonderful to have so much love.  Let me tell you more about her.  

• Around 10 months old, you weren't crawling yet.  You could reach through your waist and stretch out your arms and, by golly, you got most anything you set your sights upon...but it wasn't through crawling.  I told Sara this one day before Christmas.  She said she could get you crawling, and she did!  She set you on the ground, gave you an incentive - a block, I think - and with her behind and me out in front, you moved on all fours!  We moved the block further, changed directions, and stayed on the ground to cheer you.  I remember thinking, "Here we are, two women who love this little girl so much."  It was as if the noise of the world quieted, or outside movement froze, and there were just two women in a room who both loved this little girl, so much.    

• You would crawl near her feet and over her well-worn shoes.  Your mom was a fashion diva in a lot of ways.  Once she came to the visitation center with bright blue, sparkly eye shadow on.  It was shocking but in a really beautiful way.  She had half her hair pulled back in a pony tail and she reminded me of a cute rockin' girl from the 80s.  She was very pretty.  High cheekbones (she says there was some Native American in her), slender, deep, moody eyes.  Pretty smooth, alabaster skin.  
• She really did know tricks with babies.  Like, she gave me the greatest tip to try to make anything a game and the kids will go along with it.  When you didn't want to change your diaper, I tried to make it a game.